It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
