i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
