god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
