so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
