If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
