6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
