I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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