I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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