u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
