i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
