Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
