It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
