Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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