im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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