Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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