i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
