Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
