You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
