I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
