Pants 0. Shit 1.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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