You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
