According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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