TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
