Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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