I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
