How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
