I wish I could punch you in the face.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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