I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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