I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
