k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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