Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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