My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
