I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
