i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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