no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
