you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
