im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
