respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
