I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
