dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you traded sex for a burrito?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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