I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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