and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
