Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
