she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
