sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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