Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
