worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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