Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
