The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
