he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
